Two blondes in a bar!!! 1- My Boyfriend had dandruf, so I gave him head and shoulders! 2- How do you give a fella shoulders???? Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they would get their heads stuck in the jar. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: To keep their ankles warm. Q: How do you kill a blonde? A1: Put spikes in her shoulder pads. A2: Put a scratch-n-sniff at the bottom of a pool. Q: How do you get a blonde to drowned herself? A: Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool. Q: Why don't blondes make Kool-aid? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Q: What do blondes and cow shit have in common? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? A: More head room. Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? A: Open the car door. Q: What do blondes and turtles have in common? A: Once they're on their backs they're screwed. Q: What is the mating call of a blonde? A: I'm SOOOOOO drunk. Q: What is the mating call of an ugly blonde? A: I said, I'M DRUNK!!!! Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: Here, have another beer. Q: What's the mating call of a brunette? A: Is that damn blonde gone yet? Q: Why does a blonde have T.G.I.F. written on her shoes? A: Toes Go In First. Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? A: Blow in her ear. Q: What do you call a zit on a blondes butt? A: A brain tumor. Q: What do you call a blonde that bleaches her hair? A: A frosted flake. Q: Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A: You can only get 3 fingers in the bowling ball. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody's been in a limousine. Q: How much does it cost to have a prostitute and 3 blondes for the evening? A: Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract men? A: Her ankles. Q: Did you hear about the new line of square foundation garments? A: It's for the blondes who forget to take the Kleenix out of the box first. Q: What did the blonde call her zebra? A: Spot. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink? A: That's where you wash vegetables isn't it? Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one. She stands there holding the bulb, waiting for the world to revolve around her. Q: What's the advantage of being a blonde? A: You can park in the handicapped zone. Q: What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: She introduces herself. A2: She goes home. Q: Why does a blonde put fur on the hem of her dress? A: To keep her neck warm. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: Never mind that, what's she doing out of the kitchen? Q: What do you call a brunette between two blondes? A: An interpreter. Q: What do you call a blonde who dies her hair dark? A: Artificial Intelligence. Q: What's the similarity between a blonde and a computer? A: You don't really appreciate either one of them until they've gone down on you. Q: What do you call 15 blondes standing ear to ear? A1: A wind tunnel. A2: A breezeway. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building at the same time, who lands first? A: The brunette, of course. The blonde has to stop for directions. Q: If a dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Clause were walking down the street and spotted a $100 bill, which one would pick it up? A: The dumb blonde. The other two don't exist. Q: How do yo make a blonde laugh on Monday morning? A: Tell her a joke Friday night. Q: Why don't blondes wear hoop earrings? A: They get their high heels stuck in them. Q: What does an airplane have in common with most blondes? A: A black box. Q: What is the only job a blonde can get? A: Proof reading at the M&M factory. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? A: She was throwing out all of the W's. Q: How do you keep a blonde secretary busy? A: Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is having a rough day? A: She can't find her pencil and there's a tampon behind her ear. Q: How can you tell when a blondes been using your computer? A: There's White-Out on the screen. Q: Why don't blondes get coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: How do you make a blondes eyes sparkle? A: Shine a flashlight in her ear. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head? A: All you can eat, under a buck. Q: What is the similarity between a blonde and spaghetti. A: They both squirm when you eat them. Q: Why don't blondes use birth control pills A: They always fall out. Q: What's the similarity between a blonde and a moped? A: They're both a lot of fun to ride, but nobody wants to be seen on one. Two blondes were walking along and came to some tracks. "Deer tracks", stated the first blonde. "Moose tracks", said the second. They were still arguing when the train hit them. One blonde was explaining to her friend that she had just received a dozen roses from her boyfriend. "This means I'll be spending the next week flat on my back with my feet in the air" she added. "Why?" replied the second blonde. "Don't you have a vase?" Q: Why don't blondes like vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (rocking head from side to side) I dunno. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They don't know any better. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They have trouble dialing the 11 in 911. Q: What did the blonde say when she was asked if she'd "ever been picked up by the fuzz?" A: "No, but I've been swung around by the tits." Q: Why do blondes have trouble achieving orgasm? A: Who cares!? Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilized. Q: Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? A: Because the box said "up to 20 pounds." Q: How does a blonde part her hair? A: She does the splits. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? A: Tits Go In Front. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? A1: Two. One to mix the batter and one to peel the M&Ms. A2: Three. One to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? A: They know how many men went down on the Titanic. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: Why was the blonde so proud to finish her jigsaw puzzle in 6 months? A: Because the box said "2-4 years." Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms or legs? A: "Nice tits!" Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts? A: They have trouble sticking to the floor when they do splits. Q: Why do blondes wear their bangs up? A: To can catch everything that goes over their heads. Q: How does a blonde interpret the expression "6.9"? A: 69, interrupted by a period. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside-down. Q: Why did the blonde go halfway to Norway, then turn around and come home? A: It took her that long to figure out that a 14 inch Viking was a TV set. Q: What do a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang them, the looser they get. Q: What does a blonde say after sex? A: "You mean you're all from the same team?" Q: How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered. Q: What is the worst part about having sex with a blonde? A: Bucket seats. Q: What does a blonde to for foreplay? A: She takes off her underwear. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her date before having sex? A: "By the hour, or flat rate?" Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair in pony tails? A: To cover the valve stem. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Hmmm, wonder it it's mine?" Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing around inside a blonde's head? A: Space Invader. Q: What is a blond's favorite rock group? A: Air Supply Q: Why does a blonde take the pill? A: So she knows what day it is. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes" A: The back of her head. Q: Why did the blonde have a bruised navel? A: Her boyfriend was blonde too. Q: Why do blondes have legs? A: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. Q: What does a blonde say when she opens up a box of Cheerios? A: "Look! Donut seeds." Q: Why don't blondes breast feed their babies? A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples. Q: Why do blondes drive BMW's? A: They can spell it. (Most of the time.) Q: How does a blonde answer the question "Are you sexually active?" A: "No, I just lie there." Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay the brick, it doesn't follow you around for two weeks afterward. Q: What is the similarity between blondes and rocks? A: Men like to skip the flat ones.