COOKING VOCABULARY

tongue:
    A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly
    crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of
    dead cow.

yogurt:
    Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated
    and fermented milk.  Yogurt is one of only three foods
    that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other
    two are goulash and squid.

recipe:
    A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing
    ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't
    own, to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

porridge:
    Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since
    children were granted the right to sue their parents.
    The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid",
    "hORRId" and "sluDGE".

preheat:
    To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time
    before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be
    burned when the food is put in, as well as when it
    is removed.

oven:
    Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky
    pieces of meat and poultry.

microwave oven:
    Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle
    of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food
    placed within the cooking compartment.

calorie:
    Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by
    the average individual prior to taking a second helping
    of a particular food.

arab coffee:
    Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in
    tiny cups at gunpoint.

