Student's answers to exams

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the
species.

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made
man think.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and
caterpillars.

The dodo is a bird which almost decent by now.

To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water
out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

The process of converting steam back to water is called
conversation.

A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.

To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a
condominium.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test
tube.

Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are
talking about.

Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.

A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull.

An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that
gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.

We believe that the reptiles come from the amphibians by
spontaneous generation and study of rocks.

English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his
corpse.

By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long haired
sheep.

If conditions are not favourable, bacteria go into a period of
adolescence.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and
makes them perspire.

Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual
manufactures another individual by accident.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can
hold.

A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an
obscence triangle.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so
often in the winter.

The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.

When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a
glacier.

It is a well known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.

Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes
have more convulsions.

For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm
above the hand instead.

For fractures:  to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently
back and forth.

For dog bite:  put the dog away for several days.  If he has not
recovered, then kill it.

For nosebleed:  put the nose much lower than the body.

For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to
make artificial perspiration.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For head olds:  use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops
your throat.

For snakebites:  bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket
for shock.

For asphyiation:  apply artificial respiration until the patient
is dead.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative.

Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have
east and west poles.

When water freezes you can walk on it.  That is what Christ did
long ago in wintertime.

When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.