- What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
- Digesting the wheelchair.

- Why doesn't Jesus like to eat M&Ms?
- They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

- What's the best way to make a nun pregnant?
- Fuck her!

- How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
- One, but you have to slice him really thin.

- What's the last thing Jesus heard?
- "Cross your legs, we've only got three nails!"

- What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
- Ripping it back off.

- Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first?
- To see the expression on its face.

- What's worse than one baby in a trash can?
- One baby in three trash cans.

- What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
- Twins in an acid bath.

- What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
- You can't fuck a rock.

- Did you know that it takes five babies to make just one bottle of baby oil?

- What's the difference between light and hard?
- You can sleep with the light on.

- Why do women have legs?
- Look at the mess that snails make!

- Why do dogs lick their balls?
- Because they can.

- What do you call the loose skin around a vagina?
- A woman.

- What has licking out a girl and the mafia got in common?
- One slip of the tongue and your in the shit.

- How do you fuck a two-year-old?
- You put your dick in while it's soft so that that you can listen to the 
bones break as you get a hard-on.

- What is the worst thing about fucking 8 year olds?
- Getting the blood out of your clown suit.

- What was John Lennon's last hit?
- The pavement.

- What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
- A cock that stays up all night.

- Why did the condom fly across the room?
- Because it was pissed off.

- How can you tell if a Polish woman is having her period?
- She's only wearing one sock.

- What are the three reasons anal sex is better than vaginal sex?
- It's warmer, it's tighter, and it's degrading to the woman.

- Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
- They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

- What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
- You can unscrew a lightbulb.

- What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?
- Albert Einstein's dick.

- Why do women have periods?
- Because they deserve them.

- Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
- They don't have balls to scratch.

- What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
- Her legs.

- What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
- Divorced.

- What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
- Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant.

- What's the main difference between your wife and your job?
- After five years your job will still suck.

- What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
- A woman won't put up with a 3,5 inch floppy.